outside1
My bleary eyes can barely read the message on my computer screen – I haven’t had my first (of the eventual four) cup of coffee yet – but I can already tell it’s not good. I swing my now toddler-sized baby from my right to left hip and scroll down to find more bad news; the municipality inspector who came out to view our property yesterday has said there really is no way to legalize our Chilean home, a crushing realization that puts the final nail in the coffin on a dream we thought would equate with monetary compensation, if we chose to sell rather than stay. Shit. After being up all night with my teething daughter, I don’t even have the words to respond. My head is such a muddy mix of frustration, sadness, guilt and sheer pissed-off-ness that the only way I could move on with the day was if I chugged that first cup, got the babe off to sleep (finally) and sat down to rant at a blank page. It’s better than starting the day off with a cocktail, anyway. Since I left Chile in August, things have been tense and difficult to say the least. Leaving, I thought, was my only option out of a situation that was slowly turning me into an anxiety-ridden, sad mess. I knew that in order for me to be a good mother, I had to go – and so at the risk of everything else, I packed up two suitcases of my belongings (mostly Lucia’s, a few of mine) and left. [Side: A couple days ago I read an article about how pregnancy and becoming a mother actually changes your brain, creating new neural pathways that make you more empathetic, loving and well, more neurotic. Searching for an excuse to absolve me of some of the guilt I felt about leaving, I sent the article to my husband. ] And now, we have a home we worked tirelessly on for the past five years in a place I don’t think I can live and no way to sell for anywhere near a fair price, due to a legal issue common in Laguna Verde, Chile with no real solution. I could wallow in the fact that instead of traveling lots and enjoying ourselves in Chile, the majority of our time (and all of our money) there was spent on the house project. But, instead of the self-pity party I want to throw I have to file this one under ‘experiences’ and trudge forward, praying something more is ahead. In trying to think positively (sohelpmegod) I placed an ad for a caretaker for the property this morning; finding someone trustworthy with an interest in living off-grid, in a sustainable, rent-free, beautiful home by the beach shouldn’t be that difficult, right? So here’s where I ask for help, if anyone knows someone who is interested in purchasing our home or alternatively, interested in caring for our home, please reach out. Here’s to hoping.If you are interested in being a caretaker see details here.If you are interested in buying our home (for a steal) see details here. xo